SAC941

The Role of The School-Age Provider and Youth Care Specialist
in Helping Children and Families Experiencing Divorce and Separation
By Carole Weisberg, Program Associate
Yale University, School of the 21^stCentury
New Haven, CT

One third to one fourth of marriages end in divorce and approximately one million children experience parental separation every year, according to the National Center for Health Statistics (1994 & 1995). This has strong implications for all who work with school-age children. It is, in fact, now a part of life for many children and families, and although school-age children may not be alone in their situations, they are each feeling the effects of their parent's separation and no amount of "safety in numbers" can diminish their own unique reactions.

The people and programs providing care to school-age children can follow some specific steps in order to adequately meet the particular needs of the children and families they serve who are experiencing divorce and separation.

The role of the school-age care provider and youth care specialist is to develop positive and supportive relationships with the families served. However, they must be careful to approach this responsibility in an appropriate manner. With children and families of divorce, this means keeping a neutral position while maintaining the delicate balance of being helpful without being intrusive. The challenge lies in how to respond to the concerns and behaviors of the parents in order to be supportive without being judgmental.

Some suggestions of what program staff can do:

Children want their caregivers, parents and teachers to listen and talk with them about their feelings. Staff can encourage children to express their feelings, to talk about the divorce with their parents, a relative, friend, or teacher they trust.

Staff can provide opportunities for children to exercise personal control over meaningful activities, procedures and events since children experiencing their parents' divorces have virtually no control over many divorce related events. This lack of control may threaten a child's developing sense of mastery. Assigning leadership roles to children of divorce which lead to successful outcomes can help improve a child's self image.

Staff can teach children coping skills and encourage artwork or physical activities such as sports or hobbies, which provide healthy outlets for their feelings.

Staff should establish clear expectations for children in regard to program rules and behavior.

Staff should avoid being drawn into the parent's conflict and not take sides or support one parent's claims over the other.

Staff can encourage parents to avoid talking to children about adult problems and to help children gain the sense that things will work out well and that the world is secure.

Staff should keep parents informed of their children's behavior and performance in a supportive manner.

Staff should be aware of the warning signs of depression and fears.

Staff can encourage parents to seek professional help, if needed, for themselves or their children.

And, most importantly, staff can provide tolerant, calming and kind words and be good listeners, patient, compassionate and loving.

Finally, staff must recognize that they are not an island unto themselves and that programs cannot be all things to all people. They can link people to places and services that may be able to provide families with the supports that they need. School-age care programs can help parents by having information available for them. Sources for services to divorcing parents can come from the schools, family service agencies, mental health agencies, child guidance clinics, private mental health professionals, legal aid societies, family doctors, ministers, priests, and rabbis.

In conclusion, program administrators and staff can make a difference for children and families of divorce by becoming informed of the issues. They can become valuable resources for parents and children. By developing positive, supportive and trusting relationships with families they can comfortably make referrals when necessary.

Finally, having clearly written policies and staff training on how to handle and address the issues of divorce will help all involved to work together to meet the needs of the children and families in school-age care programs. This will enhance the quality of care for children.