Researchers have found that children who have experienced the death of a loved one, such as a parent, have an understanding of death that is not typical of non-bereaved children of the same ages. Regardless of their age, bereaved children, seem aware of the meaning of death. They understand that it is both irreversible and final. In order to cope with the overwhelming pain of loss, many children use strategies to maintain their attachment to the deceased. The ongoing bond provides a way in which they can go on living in the face of loss.

In order for child care providers to support bereaved children, it is important that they understand the strategies that are used to maintain a connection with a deceased loved one. In a Child Bereavement Study of children aged 6-17 who had lost a parent to death, Silverman, Nickman and Worden found that children use five strategies to maintain a connection with a deceased parent. The strategies include:

1. Attempting to locate the deceased - locating the loved one in a remote place, like heaven, helped some children make sense of their loss.
   
2. Actually feeling the deceased in some way - some believed their parent was watching them, some felt the parent's presence coming to visit, others experienced the deceased through dreams.
   
3. Making an effort to initiate a connection - some children visit the cemetery, others talk with the deceased.
   
4. Recalling - most children recalled in literal and concrete terms what they did with their parents.
   
5. Keeping a possession that belonged to the deceased.Initially, children kept the object on their person or in their room. As time passed, the possession became viewed as a remembrance or keepsake.

Child care providers can support bereaved children by encouraging them to incorporate some or all of these strategies into their lives. In this way, children will be able to keep an aspect of their deceased loved one with them forever.

Adapted from:
Silverman, P. R., Nickman, S., & Worden, J. W. (1995). Detachment revisited: The child's reconstruction of a dead parent. In DeSpelder, L. A., & Strickland, A. L. (Eds.), The Path Ahead (pp. 260-270). Mountain View, California: Mayfield Publishing Company.

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