School-age child care providers are in a unique position to influence children's development through the relationships they form. While it is not reasonable to expect each provider to have equally meaningful relationships with each child in the program, each child should have a special relationship with at least one adult. These special relationships have the potential to have a significant impact on children.
The first principle is that of individualization. The foundation of a positive relationship is respect and an interest in learning about the uniqueness of the individual. Each child is an incomplete work evolving from a unique set of potentials which have been challenged by a unique environment. It is important to feel and show interest, concern and pleasure in discovering the uniqueness of the individual. At the same time the adult should not have an agenda which they wish the child to accomplish nor should the adult wish the child to perform in a specific way to please them.
From their experiences with parents, teachers and other adults, children will have developed some basic sense of trust or mistrust of adults. Some children will approach adults with a basic trust, others with a basic mistrust and others with a wait and see attitude. With a consistent show of interest and concern, trust will emerge. Thus, the first principle for positive, meaningful relationships with children is to approach them as individuals by showing interest, concern and wonder without an "agenda" and without judgement. Time is required for these kinds of relationships. A daily period of individual time with a specific adult to share interests, accomplishments, frustrations, worries, obligations and aspirations is needed. For this purpose, different adults can be paired with different children.
The second principle is to provide conditions under which children will develop a sense of autonomy. Autonomy refers to a sense of choice, of individuality, of independence, of being able to make a difference and of responsibility. The type of adult relationship which helps children develop a sense of autonomy encourages children to consider alternatives, make choices and explore possible consequences. Adults should not try to make choices or influence choices for children but rather enter into a discussion about choices. Adults must accept that children might make choices the adults may not prefer.
Another way to help children develop a sense of autonomy is to have a variety of play and activity choices. Activity options such as sports, crafts, academics, drama, nature studies, and hobbies also will allow children to develop aspects of their individuality. Thus, respect, concern, and interest in the child's uniqueness while striving to foster autonomy are principles around which developmentally meaningful relationships between child care workers and children can be formed.