FCC943

Helping Parents Understand Separation Anxiety
by Martha Buell, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor Department of Individual and Family Studies
University of Delaware
Newark, De

Jennifer has been attending your program since she was 8 weeks old. One morning shortly after Jennifer's 7-month "birthday" Jennifer's father drops her off as usual. Just as Jennifer's dad is about to leave, she begins to cry. Jennifer's dad is in a hurry and wants to get out the door; he is already running late, but he stops and looks distraught. You pick Jennifer up and hold her and let her know it is okay but still she is crying as her dad walks out the door. Of course you acknowledge Jennifer's feelings and comfort her and she calms in less than a minute, but her dad doesn't see that. This happens for the next three days. Each day Jennifer's dad looks more and more distressed. Finally on the fourth day Jennifer's dad asks if there is anything wrong because Jennifer always used to be happy when he left. Now is your opportunity to help Jennifer's dad understand something about his child's development.

Jennifer is showing signs of forming a strong attachment to her father. This is positive, but it also means that when her father leaves, she expresses her distress the only way she knows how - she cries. Even though you may love and care for a child, and children do form attachments to you, the child should be encouraged and supported to form her first and deepest attachments with parents. The strong bond developed between parent and child is the blueprint the child will have for all other relationships. Your being there for both the parent and the child will make this growing phase a less stressful one and one that can be seen for its signs of healthy development instead of distress and difficulty.

This stage of development may be hard for parents (and providers), but it is a good sign of normal child development. Attachment behavior draws on both the thinking and feeling parts of development. It is a very important part of growing into a healthy adult. Children who have strong attachments in early life seem to make friends more easily as adults.

Steps you can take to ease a parent's mind:

Let them know that their child is right on target for healthy development both emotionally and cognitively.

Let the parent know they can call to make sure their child has calmed down and is doing okay.

Ask the parent to bring in family pictures that you can show the child and talk about throughout the day.

Let the parent know that this phase will not last forever.

Let them know you are giving their baby extra love and attention during this challenging time.