Have you ever had a friend move away? Has one of your pets died? Have you lost someone close to you? This article is about how to handle those sad times, and about how to help a child who also might be going through sad times. First, you must know that it's OK to have feelings, and second, there are things you can do to get through the sadness and bounce back.

FEELINGS
Lots of people get confused about this, but it's really pretty simple. There are just 4 main feelings, and lots of others are made up from them. They are: mad, sad, glad (or, happy) and scared. When you've lost someone important to you, what did you mostly feel? Maybe it was sad, or maybe it was a mix of several feelings. Lots of kids feel mad, sad, and scared all together. They ask themselves, "Why did this happen? If I had just done something else, it wouldn't have happened at all! It's no fair!" They know that they didn't make their friend move away, and that their goldfish just got old and died, but they still have a part of themselves that's trying to find an answer. They may even blame themselves. However, kids don't make these things happen. Sad things are a part of life just like happy things are a part of life.

Sometimes children feel confused because they have all those feelings going on inside at once, so they're not sure what to do. Lots of times, mad comes out the easiest, so they get crabby and unpleasant. If that happens, they need to let the sad that's underneath come out. You can tell them that: "It's OK to let your tears come out."; "It's OK to ask another person you trust for a hug even if you're a boy."; and, "If someone sees you crying and thinks you're a "cry baby," then they're not the kind of person to be round right now because, they don't understand that it's OK to cry."

Here's some tips to help children cope with the sad times in their lives.

1. Let them know that it's OK to feel sad.
2. If they act crabby or mad, ask them if they're really just feeling sad underneath, and get them to talk about it and let the sad come out with words or tears (yes, even for boys).
3. Let them know that you care about them. Show them by being with them more often during your time together.
4. Tell them that when sad things happen, that's just a part of life. It's no one's fault. Remind them that happy things are part of life, too and to remember these happy times.

Courtesy of Ron Goldsmith, DCSW, Resiliency/CYFAR Project Leader, South Dakota State University Cooperative Extension Service ( John Burton, Jr., Ph.D. and Darlene P. Moss, Ph.D., Project Co-directors)

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