Consistency in dealing with children's behavior is critical if you want a technique or method to work. Although no caregiver can or should expect to be perfectly consistent, some level of consistency is necessary for a child to learn the lessons of social life and feel secure while doing so. Children learn appropriate behavior easier when learning conditions remain constant. Caregivers should consider a t least three aspects of consistent discipline.
CONSISTENCY FROM SITUATION TO SITUATION
Your predictable and consistent behavior gives children a sense of security. They need not spend all their energy figuring out what caregivers are going to do next. If rules are consistent, results of disobeying them will be predictable.
The importance of a rule is learned by consistently having it enforced. A child who is disciplined for throwing the ball in the living room on Monday but not disciplined for the same action on Tuesday is confused. By not knowing why they are disciplined one day and not the next, children don't learn the reason for rules or principles. Consistent enforcement of rules tells the child that rules are important.
CONSISTENCY BETWEEN COMMAND AND EXAMPLE
When teaching good behavior, caregivers should "practice what they preach." Children learn values and beliefs more by examples adults set than by verbal instructions.
Screaming at children to be quiet is not effective. Ask them quietly to lower their voices. Decide what is important and what response reinforces what you are attempting to teach.
CONSISTENCY BETWEEN VERBAL AND NONVERBAL MESSAGES
Frequently the message a caregiver sends is not the message the child receives. Sometimes we communicate double messages to them. For example, the adult who spanks a child as punishment for hitting another child is actually imitating the behavior for which the child is being punished. The child may be confused by the double message received: "I'm not supposed to hit, but it is okay for an adult to hit me." The little boy who said " Your mouth says you love me, but your eyes say you don't" received a mixed message. The words told one thing while nonverbal cues suggested the opposite. Mixed and/or double messages leave a child confused as to which message should be acted upon. Caregivers need to be sure they aren't sending double or inconsistent messages.
Allow for, and expect, change. Caregivers can't always be perfectly consistent from day to day or situation to situation. Caregivers' feelings, children's feelings, and specific details are constantly changing. Sometimes your common sense will help you decide when nap time rules should be modified or table manners relaxed. As children grow, rules and how we deal with them will change. The rules for a four year old will be different for the same child at age six. Some rules will be the same; others will be abolished and new ones will be introduced.
Deciding to use a positive approach to guiding young children can create a bond--and an understanding--that will reach beyond the few months you care for the child. The effects can last throughout a child's entire life!
When the going gets tough, keep in mind that discipline--in combination with understanding--is one of the most precious and lasting gifts you can give a child. As children grow, they will gain the skills necessary to discipline themselves. And that after all, is the whole idea behind the positive approach to guiding young children!