Caregivers often wonder how to begin "disciplining" very young children. Child development experts usually agree with other experienced effective adults that scolding, slapping, isolating, or otherwise punishing babies and toddlers are not appropriate ways to let children know what they can or cannot do. The key to good discipline is in the establishment of a relationship that encourages babies to see adults as important allies in the difficult task of growing up. When this relationship involves mutual respect, love, and pleasure, the foundation for effective discipline is in place. The goal of this kind of discipline is less directed toward obedience and compliance, and more focused on helping children develop feelings of confidence and trust in parents and caregivers and in themselves. For adults who find this a comfortable philosophy of child guidance, the following suggestions may be helpful:
1. Caregivers should be sympathetic and understanding, even when babies engage in unacceptable behavior. For example, an adult can say "I know you want to touch that pretty cup, but I can't let you do that. Here are some toys for you to play with--let's see what we can do with them." This example also illustrates a second important principle; distraction is a fine disciplinary technique to use with young children.
2. Even very young children will imitate the adults who care for them. Toddlers who observe an adult using a tool, such as scissors, will try to use that tool as soon as possible. Good discipline in this case is keeping objects that are not to be played with out of sight and out of reach. At a later age children will be able to understand that some adult possessions are not for them to use.
3. It is often more effective to tell or show children what they can do than to tell them what not to do. Example: a toddler who is squeezing another child's arm can be told "touch the baby gently--like this"Cas the adult takes the toddler's hand and shows her how to stroke. If this fails, a wise adult removes the baby from harm's way!
4. Adults need to know what behavior can reasonably be expected of children at particular ages. Good resources about normal child behavior can be found in public libraries and at Cooperative Extension Centers. For example, children under the age of two very rarely share toys and play together cooperatively. Trouble arises when adults expect this behavior too soon.
5. Too many choices may be overwhelming to very young children. When adults do offer choices they should be certain they can accept the child's decision. Example: "Would you like to work with blocks or play dough?" is a more sensible way to offer the child a choice than to ask "what would you like to do?"
6. When children seem to misbehave deliberately use logical consequences instead of punishment. For example, a baby who stops eating and who repeatedly throws food can be removed from her high chair and told "I see you've finished eating." Scolding will only confuse or frighten her.
7. Hard as it may be, adults must provide young children with attention before they misbehave to get it. Example: a baby who is playing quietly with some toys will enjoy having an adult join his play (even briefly) before be becomes bored or tired and screams for attention. Often young children misbehave in order to get attention.
8. The important adults in a baby's life should agree on a few basic rules and enforce them gently, but consistently. Example: two toddler teachers decide on two rules for their group: You may not hurt another person (including yourself) and you may not destroy property.
9. Use both words and actions to guide children. Shouted instructions are rarely effective. Example: if a baby is crawling toward an open door the adult will have to: a. move quickly; b. say gently "no--let's find your toys" as she; c. distracts the baby by moving him to other safe, interesting play things.
The ultimate goal of discipline is to help children become responsible for their own behavior. In the early years of life babies and toddlers require patient, gentle, understanding help from adults as they learn what is and is not acceptable for them to do. An effective disciplinarian is one who teaches through example and directs children in ways that make them feel accepted and competent.