One of the most challenging roles we have as guardians of small children is to help guide their behavior. We can achieve this goal by demonstrating respect, kindness, patience and persistence when interacting with them. All children display undesirable behavior at some time. Children are curious and impulsive in nature. They are growing in the process of developing social skills, but they lack adult experience. Children also have a strong desire to be independent. They may go beyond the boundaries and limits set by their caregivers. Understanding children's development and providing careful guidance of their behavior can lead them in the right direction toward developing self-confidence and problem solving skills.
Age Appropriate Development
It is important for the caregiver to know the typical stages of a child's development and what to expect from children of different age levels. For example, we would not expect a two-year-old to sit quietly for 30 minutes to listen to a story. A child is not able to do this until later on in his/her development. It is also the adult's responsibility to make certain that the child's surroundings and activities are developmentally appropriate for the child. This can avoid a lot of frustration for the child as well as for the adult. It also increases the child's success. If a child is constantly hearing "no" or "don't do that", curiosity and self-confidence will be disrupted. A discouraged child may stop trying new things and will not fully develop to his/her potential.
The use of physical barriers as boundaries for different play areas, an adequate number of toys that fit the age of the child, and planned activities that match the child's ability are some examples of structuring the environment for success. Having a drawing easel or finger painting activity for a toddler is more appropriate than having a toddler sit for 15 minutes at an art table following many specific instructions.
Guiding Behavior
Positive attitudes of encouragement, understanding and respect shown by the caregiver are the basic conditions for desirable behavior in children. Yet, we forget this basic concept and we sometimes engage in using humiliation, criticizing statements, threats and unreasonable punishment to control children's behavior. The key to understanding children's behavior is to keep in mind two basic premises: 1) Children are social beings who have a need to belong and feel significant and important; 2) Children are decision-makers.
You will feel differently about misbehavior if you realize that behind the misbehavior is a child who just wants to belong and is confused about how to accomplish this goal. Many times when a child is behaving as you would like -- playing nicely with a playmate, sharing his/her toys in a friendly manner, not whining -- what occurs? The caregiver is more likely to ignore the situation thinking, "I don't want to even look that way" for fear of spoiling the occasion. We often forget that giving a child a word of praise or a pat on the back is the key to making the child feel s/he is significant and belongs to the greater whole. A simple acknowledgment affirms good behavior and encourages the child to do more of the same. This is called "catching a child doing something right" instead of catching him or her doing something wrong.
But, what happens when the situation reverses: instead of behaving well, the child acts up? Usually, the child gets immediate attention! The caregiver might scold or lecture him/her in some way, resulting in negative attention. For many children this is the only way they know of meeting their needs of belonging. Children will do anything for attention, even negative attention, rather than receiving no attention at all. The caregiver's responsibility is to guide the child toward choosing more appropriate behavior. This in turn will enhance the child's social skills and self-esteem.
To empower children and help them understand what is expected of them use intervention techniques that are firm, not punishing, but friendly. A caregiver can create a caring environment where children: Can be redirected to another activity. Can be allowed to express strong feelings in acceptable ways. Are taught to solve problems using words. Can be given options to make choices and therefore, develop decision-making skills. Are encouraged for their positive attempts towards acceptable behavior.
In conclusion, in the process of learning to belong, children-like all of us-make mistakes. Under positive and caring conditions, they can learn to grow from their experiences. Children need the positive guidance of adults to learn acceptable behavior in various settings and they need developmentally appropriate environments for continued success. You can make the difference in a child's life.